The Pickup Lines Of Leo Valdez
by Selene's Child
Summary: Cheesiness, laughs, giggles, hyperness and stupidness guaranteed. Almost a chapter a day keeps the doctor away.
1. Thalia

**Hey kiddos, how are you!? I do not own PJO or HOO or any of that cheese.**

* * *

Leo**: Bold **Thalia: _Italics._

* * *

**Hey baby, you and your Zeus powers blow me** **away.**

_Idiot, I can't blow you away, it's my brother who does that and he does that to Piper. I can electrocute you instead though, yeah?_

***Gulp* I'll pass**

* * *

**Hey baby, why did you become a hunter when you have yours truly?**

_You're one of the reasons a girl should become a hunter..._

* * *

**Hey, did it hurt when you fell from Olympus? 'Cause you're go-**

_*Slap*_

* * *

**Hey, Pine cone face, you were one hot tree.**

_I don't know what's grosser. You find a tree I used to be hot or that you're using sucky pick up lines. And I'm still hot, loser._

* * *

**You're hotter than Aphrodite and Artemis.**

*****_Takes out bow and arrow* And how do you know how hot Artemis is then!? Hmmmm!?_

* * *

**Thalico sucks!**

_Thalico doesn't exist, and before you say it, neither does 'Thalia x Leo'. Seriously, why are you shipping me with my younger cousin anyway? AND DOES IT NOT GET THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL THAT I WON'T EVER LEAVE THE HUNTERS FOR MY COUSIN TOO?_

* * *

**If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go.**

_*Punches* Anything sung by Justin Beaver is an insult against Artemis and her hunters, moron._

**Ow.. Since** **when?**

_Since now._

* * *

**Thals, Baby Cakes!? You're the fire to my epic Hephaestus powers!**

_... Go back to your bunker make yourself a girlfriend._

* * *

**Hey, do you like my girlfriend? Her name's... Uh... Robotnika.**

_1, What the Hades? 2, I was joking. 3, Robotnik is Egg Man's real name. And finally, this is so wrong on all the levels of the underworld._

***Laughs* This never happened.**

* * *

_*Slaps* No._

* * *

**Hey, baby, if I could, I'd destroy Troy for you.**

_Just wondering, were you the guy who did that in your past life?_

* * *

**Hey baby, Venus ain't got nothing on you.**

_*Mutters* Leave me alone or I'll turn your face into Uranus._

* * *

**Hey, who should I do next? Review who you think! More chapters to come!**

_Leo, who are you talking to?_


	2. Reyna

**I may do a couple OCs in the next chapters, but now, I'll do Reyna. Next I'll do Lou Ellen.**

* * *

Leo: **Bold** Reyna: _Italics _Guest stars: Normal.

* * *

**Hey babes, where have you been all my life?**

_Don't call me babes or I'll turn you into a guinea pig using a spell from Circe's island._

* * *

**Have I seen you somewhere before?**

_Yeah, you blew up my camp._

* * *

**Rey-Rey, you're the apple to my pie! The straw to my berry!**

_Don't call me Rey-Rey or I'll stab you with Hazel's Spatha._

* * *

**You Roman chicks are hot. Maybe even hotter than me. *Flames ignite from fingertips***

_Fine, go harass some other 'Roman' chick then, or, leave my camp - even better. *Dumps a conveniently closes bucket of cold water over Leo's head.*_

**Way to put out my fire, Bella-Girl.**

_*Groans*_

* * *

**Hey, Rey-Rey, Love is War! But I'll win it for you despite the fact you could probably do it yourself because of your godly parent!**

_*Growls* I'm not joking, I will stab you with your would-of-been great grandma's spatha!_

* * *

**Venus says we're better than Percabeth!**

_Did Hephaestus hack into your dream again? Because Leo... In your dreams._

* * *

**Are you on team Leo? Because, babes, it's obvious you are.**

_*Mutters* No... I'm on team Percy and team Jason._

**What was that?**

_N-Nothing for you to worry about, Greek!_

* * *

**I'd start a war for you!**

_You already started a war._

* * *

**Even Venus can't stop the love I feel for you!**

_I bet I can *Knees him in the place where sunshine don't shine*_

**Argh! *screams like a little girl.***

* * *

**I bet Tartarus couldn't keep me from you!**

_Oh holy Jupiter, keep away from me._

**Never!**

_You leave me no choice. *Whistles and Dakota and Gwen drag Leo away.*_

**Noooo Rey-Rey! My love! I will find you!**

_*Shudders*_

* * *

**Alright team Leo, Lou Ellen next!**

(Gwen) Uh.. Leo? Are you going crazy.

**Yeah, for Rey-Rey.**

(Dakota) *Groans*


	3. Lou Ellen

**I do not own PJO Or Harry potter for that matter. Warning: If you haven't read the books, you might want to research the spells.**

**Review who Leo should flirt with next! X love you guys.**

* * *

Leo:** Bold** Lou Ellen: _Italics_

* * *

**Hey Babes, you stole my heart.**

_No, stole your nose! *Takes Leo's nose and runs away laughing*_

**What can I say, the ladies love Leo. The all want a piece of is action... *Runs after her.***

* * *

**Hey babes, did you go to Hogwartz? Because you 'Accio'ed my love to you. *Still noseless***

_Oh yeah, I did actually for two years until all that business with 'He who shall not be named' started up. By the way, you have his nose._

***Touches where nose should be and shrugs* Oh yeah, I do!**

* * *

**Hey babes, did you get a love potion for me from the Weasley place?**

_Now why would I waste perfectly good galleons for that?_

* * *

**Lou-Lou, you're magical.**

_No way, Sherlock._

**It's good that you're recognising my amazing intelligence.**

_Agh. *Rubs temples in frustration.*_

* * *

_Cantis!_

**Wh-What!? *Bursts into song* Hey baby! I think I wanna marry you!**

_*Groans* that just made things worse..._

* * *

**Is it the look in you eyes? Or is it this dancing juice? Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you!**

_*Face palms* I knew I should of took Potions instead of all those other classes at Hogwartz.._

* * *

_Confringo_!

***The ground at Leo's feet explodes and he is chucked several feet in the air while on fire and then falls on his butt.***

**This girl is on FIIIIRRREEEEE this girl is on FIIIRREEEEEEEEEEEE.**

_Oh sorry Leo, without your nose, I thought you were Tom Riddle._

**Who? Who? Who? Who let the dogs out!?**

_... He who shall not be named..._

**Oops. Voldy. Oops I did it again, I played with your heart! Got lost in the game! Ooh baby, baby.**

* * *

**I bet my wand is more impressive than yours. Wanna see it? *Winks***

_*Pulls out a twelve inch Hazel wand with dragon heart string* Want to bet yours is better than mine? And sure, lets see it._

***Sadly puts away hand-me-down wand from Ron Weasley.***

* * *

**And I will always love you~**

_I should really reverse that spell..._

* * *

**Hey, don't forget to review!**

_Oh gods, Leo! Did my confringo spell make you hallucinate!?_


	4. Two in One, Luna & Chloe

**Today is two is one! Two OCs. Their names are Luna Moon a winged daughter Of Selene and Chloe Jones daughter of Nike. Btw, Leo reminds me of a guy I know at school and sings Bruno Mars to me... I'll do Katy next with Travis getting Jelly. :)**

* * *

Leo: **Bold** Luna Moon winged daughter of Selene: _Italics_

* * *

**Hey babes, when did you fall from heaven? You look like an angel.**

_*Facepalms*_

* * *

**Aphrodite ain't got nothing on you.**

_Wow running out of material already, Leo?_

**N-No!**

* * *

**Are you my guardian angel?**

_No..._

**What are you then? My personal Cupid?**

_No, the angel of the death of your remaining taking man points._

**O_o**

* * *

_Duck!_

**Wh-What!? *Get's smacked in the face by duck.***

_Lol._

* * *

**Hey Baby I- *Luna hits him where the sun don't shine with a magical Stygian iron war hammer.***

_*Smirks*_

**Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...**

* * *

_*Punches Leo in the face* No!_

* * *

Leo: **Bold** Chloe daughter of Nike: _Italics_ Selene's Child: Normal

* * *

**I know our time together has been short, but you've already won a victory over my heart.**

_*Slaps* At least use decent pick up lines._

**Ow.. The Aphrodite cabin made them for me?**

I am not the Aphrodite cabin!

**You might as well be...**

_Yay! Leo forgot about me._

***winks and begins to walk off* See you later Clo Clo.**

* * *

**You don't need to avoid me if you're embarrassed, you've already won me over.**

_I'm avoiding you because you're annoying._

_**Admit it, it's because I'm so fab You're nervous around me.**_

_*Kicks him where the sun don't shine. Walks off.*_

***Screams* Awwh, twice already... *Limps off towards the Apollo cabin to get healed by a pretty girl.***

* * *

**Hey babes, I'd spend eternity with you if I could.**

_*Groans*_

* * *

**__Yeah I know, short chapter but the next one is Juicy! It's tratie! *crowd gasping sound effect goes off* Review\Comment who I should do after tratie!**

_O_o who are you talking to Leo?_


	5. Katie & Travis

**I would like to thank Dramaqueen5611 for this idea (It's really coincidental but the ride home from school I was thinking bout this and when I read their review I was like: O_o.) They also came up with the Reyna idea :3. I will be doing Echo, Calypso and Hazel in that order, mmkay?**

* * *

Leo: **Bold** Katie: _Italics_ Travis: Normal.

* * *

**Hey, flower girl, my love for you is in full bloom.**

_My mother is Demeter, I'm not my half sister, Persephone._

*Glares at Leo from Hermes cabin window.*

**Same diff.**

_Not really._

* * *

**Hey forget about being the flower girl, you can be the bride at my wedding.**

_I wasn't planning on being your flower girl OR your bride, and I probably won't be either._

*Is still glaring at Leo while walking to the Dionysus cabin but walks into a statue.* O_o.

* * *

**Hey Baby I-**

No! *Travis walks over, drunk.* Yous skeep aways fron my Kateeeeee. *Slurs*

_Uh Travis?_

*Punches Leo* Stays aways frons my Katiieeee Katttss..

_*Pulls Travis away*_

Valdes I wills kwil yous if Yous touch my Katiesss...

***Rubs nose.* At least I don't look like Voldy this time**.

* * *

**Hey Baby, wheat you go out with me?**

_*Face palms*_

**Hey baby, you're special, k?**

_Oh Hades..._

**Sorry, are these pick up lines too Corny, flakes?**

_Oh my gods that one was so bad.._

**Cheerios!**

* * *

**Hey baby, I got you some Wheat-A-Bix and oatmeal.**

_*Shudders* Please, no._


	6. Echo

**Omg this is going to be so hard to do, but I'd like to thank a guest for this idea and the next one.**

* * *

Leo: **Bold** Echo: _Italics_

* * *

**Team-oh-Leo!**

_Oh... Leo..._

* * *

**Which is better? Leo or Narcissus be-**

_Narcissus!_

**Hey! I wasn't finished!**

_Finished!_

* * *

**Kiss me, baby!**

_*Giggles* Baby._

**Well that back fired..**

* * *

**Hey baby, I think I want to marry you!**

_Marry you?_

**Yeah me!**

_Me?_

**Oh forget it.**

_Forget it._

* * *

**You have yours truly, yet you love Narcissus I-**

_Love Narcissus._

**You cut me off again!**

_Off again._

**Bye then. *Moodily stomps off.***

_Bye then._

* * *

**You, yeah you! Kiss me!**

_Me.._.

***Groans* How are these not working on you!?**

* * *

**I love Leo!**

_Leo!_

**Arghh! *Face palms***

* * *

**Hey baby, if you echo my words, surely you echo my love?**

_Love?_

**Yes the emotion I feel for you.**

_For you?_

**Are you seriously still into 'He who shall not be named'?**

_Not be named? *Writes in Greek in the dirt on the ground 'I like Narcissus, not Voldy!'_

* * *

**Hey guys, it'd be great if you review!**

_Review!_


	7. Calypso

**Hello my cheese enchiladas. Today is Calypso :3**

* * *

**The sky cannot compare to your beauty, Cally-Lip-So.**

_Leo, what are these pathetic nothing's you choose to say to me?_

* * *

**Hey baby, Atlas almost dropped the sky when he saw you.**

_.. Why would he do that? *Obviously does not get it.*_

* * *

**Bruno Mars wrote all his love songs about you.**

_I'm sorry, but who is this 'Bruno Mars' you speak of?_

* * *

**The fates are cruel to leave a beauty like you here.**

_The fates are cruel to give you the skill of using those annoying phrases._

* * *

**Can I get a moon flower thingy too?**

_No._

* * *

**Hey, Babes, how can you resist me?**

_Um..._

* * *

**Was you dad a thief? Because some one stole the stars and put them in your eyes.**

_My dad couldn't of because a) He was Atlas, not Hermes and b) Daddy half the time can't move._

* * *

**If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.**

_If I had to choose between you and Percy, I'd pick Percy._

* * *

**Did you come from the moon? Cause baby, you're out of this world.**

_No.. Go talk to Artemis or Selene about that though._

* * *

**You're so hot you make the sun jelly.**

_I don't think Apollo or Helios would be happy if you said that in front of them..._

* * *

**Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past again?**

_Leo, please stop all of these strange questions..._

* * *

**If I were to look in the Mirror Erised, I'd see the two of us together.**

_*Groans* More Harry Potter?_


	8. Two in One, Hazel & Lacy

**Dear Kevin the guest (Now re-named Kevin the Unicorn.)**

**Thankyou for the pick up lines. But the 'Corny' one is a little too... Yeah, you know for Fiction K.**

**-Selene's Child the Annoying Orange.**

* * *

Leo: **Bold** Hazel: _Italics_.

* * *

**Hey baby, if you were a pokemon, I'd pick you.**

_Um, Leo, from the past, remember? What is Pokemon!? We didn't have whatever it is back then!_

* * *

**Hey baby, you're the Nidoqueen to my Nidoking.**

_Percy told me about pokemon, you need to stop playing such ridiculous games..._

**But me loves pokemon! *Goes off crying* Dialga how can you this this to me!?**

* * *

**Gonna catch the girls, gonna catch them all, POKEMON.**

_..._

* * *

**My love for you is stronger than a level 100 MewTwo mega-evolved!**

_Level 100 meteor mega-rolled?! Sounds like a sandwich._

***Face palms***

* * *

**Hoho isn't nearly as gorgeous as you!**

_Percy showed me a picture of Hoho, it's uugggglllllyyyyy._

**B-But it's my favourite legendary! First one I ever caught!**

* * *

**If there was such thing as the pokemon of beauty, it'd be called 'Hazel'.**

_*Face palms*_

* * *

Leo: **Bold** Lacy: _Italics_.

* * *

**You're beautiful, in every single way~ words can't bring you down...**

_Drew Tanaka's can._

**... True ...**

* * *

**When you smile, I can see my face in those beautiful pearly teeth and shiny braces.**

_... Was that supposed to be a pick up line?_

* * *

**Pardon me miss, but I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?**

_Neither of us have phones, Valdez._

* * *

**Hey, I remember seeing a picture of you in my Greek history book. The editor featured you as 'Aphrodite'.**

_*Looks at Leo in mock shock.* Oh Leo, are you sure he wasn't talking about MY MOTHER Aphrodite?_

* * *

**Her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they ain't shining, her hair, her hair** **falls** **perfectly without her trying. She's so beautiful and I tell her everyday.**

_*Face palms*_

* * *

**Hey guys, you know you wanna fave, review and follow!**

_Leo...?_


	9. Annabeth

**Today, me thinks Annie The Beth is our next victim. Mwahahah!**

* * *

Leo: **Bold **Annabeth: _Italics_

* * *

**I may not be a genie but I can make your dreams come true**

_Percy has that covered, thanks._

* * *

**Are you a magnet cuz I'm attracted to you.**

_At least say 'because' correctly._

* * *

**Baby your like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems.**

_I may be a child of Athena, but that would take a while. Also, if you were a book, you wouldn't be a math book. You'd be a book on the world's worst pick up lines._

* * *

**Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl is in the world is in this room?**

_Give up Valdez._

* * *

**Life without you would be like a broken pencil...Pointless.**

_If you made it, it would probably be self-sharpening._

**True that.**

* * *

**Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for Christmas?**

_No.. You cannot._

* * *

**If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.**

_Really? What's the point if N and O are perfect for one another?_

**Oldest one in the book...**

_And yet you walked right into it._

* * *

**I have skittles in my mouth want -**

_To taste the rainbow? Yeah, if you have another packet that doesn't have your saliva on it._

_**Let me guess you have-**_

_Yes I have Percy for 'tasting the rainbow' and next time, don't even offer._

* * *

**Hey baby I -**

_*Holds dagger to his neck*_

**Wh-What!?**

_If I hear one more of those terrible pick up lines leave your mouth I swear to the gods I will personally set your Cabin on fire, are we clear!?_

***Gulps* Crystal... Crystal clear, lady Annabeth Chase!**

_Good, I'd hate to upset Nyssa, she actually likes her cabin._

* * *

_Hey don't forget to review who Leo should hit on next!_

**Hey that's my line!**


	10. Eris, A Halloween Special

**Me thinks a Halloween special is in order. So, Leo is going to be hitting on the goddess Eris of Discord and Strife. He has also never met her before (I don't think so anyway. Me hasn't read Hoh btw.) Next chapter, Khione.**

* * *

Leo: **Bold** Eris: _Italics_

* * *

**Hey baby, why did you give the Apple of Discord for Paris to give to Aphrodite when you should of kept it yourself**_**?**_

_Oh gods, are you that Leo Valdez that hits on every woman he sees? And also, how in Hades did you get into my home!? *Zaps but misses*_

**Lol.**

* * *

**Hey baby, you should of included yourself in the judging of Paris, you would of won!**

_*Freezes him but he quickly defrosts*_

**Lol**.

* * *

**Pokemon!**

_Oh you want a Pokemon battle? *snaps fingers and he turns into Pikachu*_

**You are Pika amazing.**

_*Face palms* Just shut the Hades up! You son of a Harpy!_

* * *

**Hey Baby, I think I want to marry you.**

_*Slaps*_

**Hey! You are not allowed to hit me! I'm to amazing for you to hit me! Don't you dare try to hit the amazing Leo-ness that I am, peasant!**

_Excuse me? I'm the peasant!? You are just a filthy little Demi god!_

_**Nuh-uh**_

_Yuh-uh_

_**Nuh-uh! **_

_Yuh-uh!_

**Nu_-_**

_Enough! You have wasted my time enough! Begone you parasite!_

* * *

_Begone! Don't set foot in my home again, or be prepared to be turned into something worse than Pikachu! I-I will turn you into a seaweed brain._

**Turn me into a sea weed brain! They get all the girls!**

_*Face palms*_


	11. Khione

Leo: **Bold** Khione: _italics_

* * *

**You know I'd like to invite you over, but I'm afraid you're so hot that you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.**

_You dare call me that despicable word!? 'Hot'!? How dare you!_

**Trololololol**.

* * *

**You'd better direct that beauty somewhere else, you'll set the carpet on fire.**

_Stop calling me hot, you - you - you imbecile!_

* * *

**You look cold, want to use me as a blanket?**

_I happen to like the cold!_

* * *

**I must be a snow flake, because I've fallen for you!**

_You're to hot to be a snow flake._

**Boo yah! She admitted it!**

_Not that kind of hot *Face palms*._

* * *

**Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Hot!"?**

_Hey, didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Moron"?_

**No, you saw it under "Shazaam!" Baby.**

_*face palms*_

* * *

**No wonder the sky is grey today, all the blue is in your eyes.**

_My eyes are brown... Stupid boy._

* * *

**Are you a broom? Because you just swept me off my feet.**

_Of course I am not a broom! I am a goddess! The most fearsome goddess there is! You hear me!? Do not ever call me a broom again you foolish idiotic dunce!_

**Sheesh, for a woman made of snow, you sure have a hot temper.**

_I am certainly the furthest thing you can get!_


	12. Piper

**Alright, cupcakes, here's another load of Valdez!**

* * *

Leo: **Bold** Piper: _Italics_

* * *

**This is really awkward but Team Leo want it so... Yeah.**

_Alright..._

* * *

**Are you an interior decorator? 'Cause when I saw you, the room became more beautiful.**

_No I am not an interior decorator... Idiot._

* * *

**Are you religious? 'Cause you're the answer to all my prayers.**

_Leo, we're technically part of a religion, we're Demi gods, remember?_

* * *

**I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.**

_There isn't any booze on the boat, and by the way, Leo you suck at acting. For Hades sake, you can't even act drunk._

* * *

**I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.**

_Please don't go on about Aphrodite, and Leo, you have my name and neither of us have phone or we'd be dead already._

* * *

**If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.**

_I said don't go on about beauty!_

* * *

**I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.**

_Wow, creepy, by the way, I have a boyfriend. You might know him, he's your best friend._

* * *

**If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.**

_I don't think Asteria would give you so many stars._

* * *

**A thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.**

_*Face palms*_

* * *

**You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.**

_Reality would be better than dreams because we're freaking Demi gods. Moron._

* * *

**If being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!**

_I don't know if I should slap you or thank you..._

* * *

**I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen.**

_No... I do not have an extra heart..._

* * *

**Smoking is hazardous to your health... And baby, you're killing me!**

_I don't know if that's a good or bad thing._

* * *

**There isn't a word in the dictionary for how good you look.**

_Just shut up already!_

* * *

**Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces.**

_Not all nerds have braces. I mean come on, look at Annabeth!_

* * *

**Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?**

_Well we are in a floating boat..._

* * *

**When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I'll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.**

_That'd be cute if it wasn't a pick up line._


	13. Drew Tanaka

**Hello you beautiful, beautiful people. Ready for another chapter of scandal and romance?**

* * *

Leo: Bold Drew: Italics

* * *

**Knock knock...**

_OH MY GODS LEO VALDES YOU HAVE JUST MADE ME MESS UP MY FREAKING MAKE UP!_

**I know, my hotness distracted you.**

* * *

**Hey, did you know your mum's hot?**

_Excuse me?_

**I-I mean that it is obviously genetic, I really don't have the hots for your mum!**

* * *

**I like 'em chunky~**

_*Slaps*_

**OW!**

* * *

**I have an "owie" on my face 'cause you slapped it. Will you kiss it and make it better?**

_No. *Slaps*_

* * *

**Hey babe, are you going out with me, or do I have to stalk you?**

_*Gets out pepper spray* Are you going away or do I have to put you in a world of pain?_

* * *

**All the voices in my head agree: You look beautiful.**

_Haha, so funny... *Sarcastic*_


End file.
